


Hiyake (Sunburn)

by FairyNiamh



Category: Naruto
Genre: Humor, M/M, Pain, Sunburn, Trope Bingo Round 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 10:50:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/939099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's all Naruto's fault that Neji has to file an accident report, not that he's actually complaining.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hiyake (Sunburn)

**Author's Note:**

> **Beta** : The lovely drivvenwrinth  
>  **Notes** : This was a story I started to work on back in June of 2010, while drivvenwrinth worked on her own version of the prompt 'sunburn'. (Which I was suffering from at the time of the prompt.) I came across it in my WIP folder. So I put on my big girl panties and finally finished it! Using it to fill my "Language and Translation" square on my Trope Bingo Card

Neji moaned in pain as he picked up the pen and yellow pad of paper sitting beside his bed. He very gently laid, face down, on his bed wishing that the room wasn't quite so hot and that the pain medicine would kick in soon.

He bit his lip as he tried in vain to get into a comfortable position. He still had a few _assignments_ to finish up, thanks to the Hokage. Her parting warning of 'It puts the SPF lotion on its skin, or else it gets sunburned again' to him replayed in his mind. He gnashed his teeth and glared at the pad before him before starting to get down to work.

At the top of the pad he wrote, in bold letters:

  
**" ~~Five~~** _Ten_ **THINGS TO ALWAYS REMEMBER!"**  


1.) The Sun Is My Enemy. Contrary to my name it is evil and hates most people - especially fair skinned Jounin. It does, however; love tanned skinned blonds.

2.) Sunblock Is My Friend. Since the sun hates me so much I should never step outside without it on. This includes going out at night as I may not return before the hateful sun rises. *Note: Use SPF 50 or higher*

3.) Water Is Also Not My Friend. Unless I am drinking it or bathing in it, indoors. (I should drink lots and lots of it for the next several days.) Even though I am a good swimmer, without sunblock I am to pretend that I am a concrete block and get my butt back into the house until I have applied said sunblock.

4.) Shade Is Not a Good Substitute For Sunblock. (SPF 50+) No matter how well the trees cover some things; they do not protect fair skinned Jounin from the sun.

5.) Condoms Only Protect Against STDs and Unwanted Pregnancy. ~~Not that I have to worry about either of those two, I simply use it to minimize the mess.~~

6.) Sex Is An Indoor Sport. Even if it seems like a ~~good~~ wonderful idea at the time; DO NOT DO IT OUTDOORS! Not even if you have a horny boyfriend naked and ready to go.

7.) Two Hours Is Too Long For Any Outdoor/Indoor Sport Without Sunblock. Actually, even fifteen minutes is too long for fair skinned Jounin.

8.) The Sun Can Hurt You Worse Than any Rouge Nin. At least a Rogue Nin will either run away or torture you until you are dead. The sun however will continue to be there to mock you even after you are dead or wish you were dead.

9.) My Clothes Are My Friends. They help to protect me from the evil sun and should remain on my body at all times, unless I am indoors AND wearing sunblock. (SPF 50)

10.) All Blonds Are Evil. Especially sexy nympho blond boyfriends, evil blond female friends who like to slap your back, and even more evil blond doctors who laugh while treating their patient.

The evil hag had only asked for a list of five things. So, of course; it was only natural to provide her with a list of ten. Maybe she would go easier on him this way.

He groaned as he got up and slowly made his way to the bathroom, cursing all blonds and all non-working painkillers. Nothing was working and he was in so much pain that he was close to tears.

He slowly stepped into the shower and gasped as the cold water hit his heated body. He didn't care if it sent him into shock or made him slip and knock himself unconscious. If he went into a coma or died at least the pain wouldn't bother him anymore.

If he saw his boyfriend any time soon he might kill the bastard for putting him through all this pain. Why, oh why did his boyfriend never burn? It was unfair! Even when Naruto swam naked screaming "Fuck Me" under the full sun, no part of the man burned. He just turned a beautiful golden color.

Okay, so his current _condition_ wasn't completely Naruto's fault. It was just ninety-nine point nine percent his; and he wasn't technically swimming in the nude saying 'Fuck Me.' He did have on swim trunks; very small, barely there, swim trunks.

It was, of course; those swim trunks that were the real culprit. Put less than a foot of material on a dripping wet, teasing blond and of course troubles were bound to arise.

He grit his teeth as he got out of the cool shower and hobbled over to the bed to finish his paper work. As he laid down, he again attempted to get comfortable. He had no idea why the Hokage, the old battle axe, wanted the damned accident form filled out, but he would do it. No, he did have an idea why; he just didn't want to think about it. The thought was just too damned traumatic for him. He glared at the hated form before properly filling the damned thing out.

**KONOHGAKURE  
PERSONAL INJURY/ACCIDENT CLAIM/FORM**

Claimant's Name :________ _Hyuuga, Neji_ ______________ Date:____ _08-23-2013_ ____

Current Place of Residence: _138 O-rarusekkusu Drive Apt 69, Konohagakure_ _______

**COMPLETE EACH OF THE FOLLOWING SECTIONS. PLEASE PROVIDE SPECIFIC INFORMATION.**

♦ A. Date Injury was sustained: ___ _08-21-2013_ ___

♦ B. Were you on duty when injury was sustained: Yes___ No_X_

♦ C. Describe type of injury sustained:  
 _First and second degree burns to upper torso, arms, calves, buttocks, and thighs_ _

♦ D. Describe circumstances surrounding injury. Time, place and names of parties involved:  
___________ _Please See Attached Note_ _____________________________________

♦ E. Describe medical treatment received (If any) for injury:  
___________ _Cooling rags, Oral Pain Killer, Cold Baths/Showers, Topical Pain Reliever, Burn Salve_ ________

♦ F. In detail describe how to prevent this injury from occurring again:  
___________ _Always use sunblock and minimize outdoor activities unless fully clothed._ ________________

 

♦ G. Do you feel that Konohgakure is in any way responsible for your injury?  
Yes:___ No:_X_ If yes please explain why you feel that Konohgakure is responsible:  
______________________________________________________________________

Name: (Print)__Hyuuya, Neji__ Signature:__ _Neji Hyuuga_ __ Date:__08-23-2013__

Once the form itself was completed; he once again returned struggled to the bathroom. He would write the circumstances when he got back. Tsunade had assured him he was healing well, but he would have liked to argue that point. He’d had the sunburn for a few days now and it hurt even worse than the day he had got it.

He was doing his best to stay hydrated from the inside and outside. The old cow had told him it would speed up the process, as would the Aloe Vera. The aloe felt good going on, but as soon as it dried it made the situation worse.

The dried aloe made his skin feel stretched, like his skin was being cured for a drum. Sleep was a pipe dream at this point. He could only manage a few hours once exhaustion overtook him. Of course that led to him waking up and the struggle to hold back the pained tears. Neji turned off the shower and returned to his desk. He made note of the time and mentally counting down the time until he could take another dose of pain medication.

The pain medication Tsunade had given him did nothing to get rid of the pain, not truly. All they did was dull it a bit, make the world spin, and give him happy thoughts. Sadly, the happy thoughts usually led to more pain; which was not a very happy thought in and of itself.

He wondered if he should run a tub of water before finishing this accursed report. ‘Oh’, the thought occurred to him, he could finish the report in the tub if he worked it right. It wasn’t like the Hokage would know he had written it in the bath and that made it the best idea ever.  
In fact if he worked it just right he would be in heaven. He could keep his burn cooled, write his damned report, and with a few things conveniently place he could keep hydrated and mostly pain free.

Neji went to the bathroom and started a tub of cold water. No hot water for him, the thought of anything hot made him cringe. He left the water running as he went to gather a glass, a pitcher of ice water, and the dreaded paperwork.

He set down the necessary items on the little floating table his Uncle had given him. The one he had sworn never to use. In Neji’s mind the thought of lounging in the tub was a waste of time, something that Neji would never do, until today.

He now understood that it wasn’t lazy, it was a Savior disguised as a flat wooden surface. He placed the tray beside the tub and eased into the tub. He turned off the water then carefully pulled in the table, taking care not to get it wet. Then gathered the rest of the items and arranged them to his liking.

Once everything was in place, Neji laid down in the tub, letting the cold water cool his heated skin. Yeah, it was heaven, just as he had imagined. It was a little boring though. Perhaps he should have turned on the stereo or something to entertain him, but then he would have run the risk of falling asleep and possibly drowning.

Where drowning didn't necessarily sound bad to him, he knew it would hurt Naruto and his family. He might be upset with Naruto and hold a grudge against his family, but that didn't mean that he wanted to cause them any harm.

Speaking of harm, it was time to mentally scar himself and finish that damned report Tsunade had demanded. Sometimes Neji could swear she was a closeted sadistic pervert. Actually she was only a closet pervert, everyone knew she was a sadistic bitch who delighted in the pain she brought to her ~~minions~~ people.

Neji sat up in the water and dabbed his hands and arms with the towel he had not touched in days. It was clean by his way of looking at things right now. If you put it out and didn’t touch it, then it’s fucking clean. Besides, it wasn’t as if it had been hanging around for a month or so, just a few days.

He pulled the floating table closer to his chest and began the last leg of his damned report, ‘please see attached’ page. At the top he carefully printed and underlined;

_Circumstances surrounding my injury. Time, place and names of parties involved :_

On August 21, 2013; at approximately 1200 hours my boyfriend, Naruto Uzumaki, arrived at my door and invited me on a picnic date. Seeing as neither of us had seen each other in more than a month, I readily agreed. In our line of work we take each moment of free time we can catch very seriously.  
Naruto took me to a secluded spring in the woods. After checking the perimeter for traps, poisonous snakes/amphibians/bugs, potentially deadly animals, etc; we settled down for a light lunch.

Once we both had eaten, we laid down for a short nap. After an hour Naruto woke up and decided to go for a swim. Seeing as we had neglected to bring along swimsuits, but were in seclusion, it was decided that skinny dipping was a viable solution.

After all, neither of us would complain about seeing the other au natural. I did beg off at the start and just sat at the shore watching my boyfriend enjoy the water. Please note that I was still fully clothed at this point.

However, the more I watched my boyfriend the more I was seduced by his stout golden form. Once another hour had passed, I succumbed to the madness and joined Naruto in the water.

The water, the trees, and the view lulled me into a false sense of security. I genuinely thought that the sun could not damage my skin. The saying 'Out of sight, out of mind' truly applied to this situation.

When Naruto and I left our date area three hours later, I did not once suspect the damage that I would feel in the middle of the night. Admittedly, Naruto pointed out that I was red and should possibly seek medical attention. Seeing as there was no pain, I did not heed his advice until several hours after we had parted ways.

Once I arrived at the hospital I was placed in a cooling bath, given a shot for the pain, and allowed to call someone to pick me up. Upon my release, I received after care instructions, a prescription for mild pain killers, and this form to fill out.

_Hyuuga Neji_

Neji sighed as he finished up the paper and pushed the table away. He had not listed everything that went on in the three hours he and Naruto were in the water, but he did not feel obligated to provide her with free porn.

If he was asked if he would do it again, in spite of the repercussions and pain, he would have to answer yes, but he was still feeling a little mopey about those repercussions. There was just no way he could refuse his sprite of a boyfriend, especially when his blue eyes sparkled full of mischief.

Mischievousness inevitably lead to some twisted, kinky, hot sex. He didn't believe Naruto when he said he could blow himself. However, watching Naruto swallow his own cock as Neji pounded his sweet ass made all the pain he was in worth it.

~Fin~


End file.
